Triplets from the Guinalean epic poem “Is That the Salmon of Wisdom or Are You Just Happy to See Me?”
“98 were the tears that were shed,
98 were the mouths with no bread,
’98!’ was the cry that was said.”
“98 was the year we got bored,
98 was the year of the sword,
98! Crushing heads like a gourd!”
It is well known that the Bog Orcs and Wee Folk of Guinalea are not always willing members of the United Kingdom of Great Britorcn. This was never more so the case than in the years following the Ferach Elf Emperor Mordred’s Annulment of the Law of Wylde Magicke, for Guinelalea was more steeped in and dependent upon Wylde Magicke than many another land.
It was Wylde Magicke that made the Land so green that even the Bog Orcs dwelling there were imbued with that colour. It was Wylde Magicke that allowed the Wee Folk to flourish there. Most important of all it was Wylde Magicke that allowed the Land the bounty that sustained the population.
With Wylde Magicke gone, the Bog Orcs faced starvation.
Never one to let an opportunity for mischief at the expense of others to pass, the tyrant, Emperor Mordred sent emissaries to Guinalea, to spread rumor and foment revolt. The rumor was that it was Goode Kyng Gorge who annulled Wylde Magicke in Guinalea and caused the land to whither. In truth it did not take much convincing for this rumor to take root, and unlike the spuds of Guinalea, prosper. The Bog Orcs were a warlike bunch and for many, rebellion was sport.
Ferach agents provocateur made it clear that the Wee Folk and oppressed Bog Orcs of Guinalea were welcome in Amorica, where a Legion was being raised to liberate the Auld Sod from the rapacious hands of Kyng Gorge.
So it was that in the year 98 BO, the green flag of rebellion was raised.
Coincidentally, the year 98 BO was also the year that a newly minted Cornet of the 17th Heavy Dragoons, the “Sewon and Soforths” began what would be a very active career indeed.
Unbeknownst to him at the time, Giglamps had purchased a commission into an unhappy regimental family in the 17th. The 17th’s Lt. Colonel, Lord Sniggerson, was far more interested in currying favor at court than with running a combat ready command, and the assignment of the 17th to “assist the civil authorities” in a backwater like Guinalea, seemed to his Lordship a “right demned slap in the face”!
While his Lordship spent all his time pretending that he was an orc of some importance, morale and training in the 17th reached a nadir, and poor Giglamps was to bear the brunt of this neglect on a spring morning near the village of The Harrowed.
On that day Cornet Giglamps was tasked with tracking down a Ferach Agent believed to be spreading dissent in the area. In truth, poor Giggers was much too er green, as it were, for such a task, but frankly, no more senior officer could be bothered to take the field and so, as the most junior officer, Cornet Giglamps was given command. Mind you, Giggers himself was delighted at the prospect of independent command!
As Giggers and his patrol approached The Harrowed, it was clear that the village had been deserted. Taking his coverorc, Trumpeter Thersonorc Behineyoo, and a section of six dragoons, Cornet Giglamps turned down the lane towards the local sacred circle.
There he met Druid John Moyfee and about 40 bog orcs of the village, seemingly gird for war. Entering into conversation the Druid assured Giggers that the bog orcs were simply assembled and equipped for smurf cutting as was the custom in these parts.
A more experienced officer than young Giggers would have realized that with the annulment of Wylde Magicke there could be no smurfs nearby, and the gathering of bog orcs could only have mischief at heart. As it was, Cornet Giggers accepted the Druid at his word, and made ready to depart.
When from out of the crowd of bog orcs a rock was thrown…
The preceding is the scenario description for a game I’ve had in mind for some time, Giggers first fight!
In keeping with the theme of “early days”, this game will be played using Warhammer Fantasy Battle 2nd edition rules.
Both sides will be represented by the standard orc templates. While it is true that in Alternative Armies world of Valon, bog orcs are “harder” than proper orcs, the bunch gathered here represent an ill trained rabble. Rather than improving some aspects of their profile and then reducing others I decided to keep it simple.
There are three mobs of 12 to 16 bog orcs each led by a unit champion.
There are three sections of 6 dragoons each led by a unit champion.
Giggers will of course be some level of hero, no doubt a minor hero as befits his youth and inexperience. Trumpeter Thersonorc Behineyoo will also be a hero, as suits an orc picked to be his young officer’s minder.
Druid John Moyfee is an elementalist. Although he is well steeped in the spells and rituals of his religion, the annulment of Wylde Magicke will limit his options and possibly add a random element to his casting.
In the photos you may well notice that demnable Ferach agent Daniel D’Kless. Present mostly for colour, D’Kless is a high elf major hero. However he should take no part in the game, being, as usual, more concerned with saving his skin than with engaging in derring-do!
That’s it for now on this bleak solstice morning.
Merry Christmas and thanks for stopping by!
To read how the game played out, click here .
To read how the game played out, click here .
 By Bog Orc Reckoning.
 Smuf cutting was a local tradition that kept the druids well supplied with blue pigment for their rituals. Each able bodied bog orc of the village would turn out with a melee weapon, shield, and possibly armour. The smurfs, well known for their propensity for mayhem and violence, made such precautions necessary.